What about the Colons?

2 Sep

So at some point, some person of probably not very many brains decided that for Breast Cancer Awareness, women on facebook should post a status update with just the color of their bra. “Pink” “Beige” “Flowery” or whatever. This was supposed to utterly confuse and confound all the manz and somehow raise awareness of breast cancer. I’m not sure it did much good, and largely was a bunch of women giggling about how clever they are to post random colors in their facebooks as a way to “confuse the silly men”.

(What confusing the silly menz has to do with breast cancer I’ll never know, it all seems like a big attention whoring stunt to me.)

(Also ALSO, men get breast cancer too, and often can’t get care for it because they don’t have the boobies, so maybe we should be including them in this awareness thing too?)

The next year it was about purses and was even dumber. This one was also suggestive sounding and didn’t have anything even remotely to do with breast cancer. In fact, it was pointless as such. At least bras have boobs in them.

This year, I got the following note:

k ladies it’s that time of year again, in support of breast cancer awareness!! So we all remember last years game of writing your bra color as your status?…..or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Well this year, it’s slightly different. You need to write your shoe size,( just the number) followed by the word ‘inches’ and how long it takes to do your hair… Remember last year so many people took part it made national news and, the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise awareness!! (eg 5 inches, 10 minutes) DO NOT TELL any males what the status’ mean, keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message )this to all your female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year!!! I did my part… now YOUR turn ! Go on ladies…and let’s have all the men guessing ! xxxxx

And I rolled my eyes so hard that they hurt.

No shit guys, making status updates that are cryptically sexy is going to get attention… because it’s about cryptic sexiness, not because it’s supporting breast cancer. It’s like putting a stupid little pink bow on a box of condoms and saying they’re breast cancer condoms.

That’s called pinkwashing, by the way.

But as usual, I opted not to be Queen Douche of Cunt Mountain and didn’t post a ranting screed on my facebook page, even when “7 inches, 10 minutes” started showing up in my facebook feed.


Then it got ugly.

Then I got the following note:

It’s that time of year again in support of Breast Cancer Awareness! We all remember last years game of writing your bra color as your status? or the way we like to have our handbag handy?

Remember last year so many people took part that it made national news and the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise awareness!

DO NOT tell any males what the status’ mean, keep them guessing And please Broadcast this to all ur female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year

I did my part… So now its YOUR turn!

The idea is to choose the month You were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the girls only and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went round the world.

So you’ll write… I’m (your birth month) weeks and I’m craving (your birth date) !!! as your status

Example: Feb 14th= I’m 2 weeks and craving Choclolate mints!!


Days of the month:

1- Skittles
2- Starburst
3- Kit-Kat
4- M&M’s
5- Tomatoes
6- Ice Cream
7- Dairy Milk
8- Lollipop
9- Peanut Butter Cups
10- Meat Balls
11- Twizzlers
12- Bubble Gum
13- Hershey’s Kisses
14- Chocolate Mints
15- Twix
16- Cheese
17- Fudge
18- Cherry Jello
19- Banana’s
20- Pickels
21- Chicken Wings
22- Skittles
23- Gummy Bears
24- Gummy Worms
25- Strawberry Pop Tarts
26- Starburst
27- Mini Eggs
28- Kit-Kat Chunkie
29- Double Chocolate Chip Chrunchy Cookies 30- Smarties
31- Chocolate Cake

Have Fun!

Ok, What?

I’m supposed to PRETEND TO BE PREGNANT, so that I can … support breast cancer? The hell? That doesn’t make any sense. Also, you can’t be 1 week pregnant (and know about it).


The part that really just burns the fuck out of my toast?

People who have breast cancer, and get chemo, often suffer from infertility.

How awesome do you think it makes them feel to see the other women on facebook making fun of pregnancy ha ha look I got your attention about nothing? Not to mention the 1 in 6 couples in the US that struggle with infertility? Or the 1 in 4 pregnancies that ends in misccariage?

Oh wait, you didn’t mean to be a douchecanoe? Well, grats, you kinda did anyway.

Also, you did absolutely nothing to support breast cancer. Nobody reading your status will be more educated or have more outlets to donate to research or anything remotely useful.

As an aside, breast cancer gets a TON of press these days. There’s pink fucking KITCHEN UTENSILS that are supposed to support Breast Cancer. Right. (Pinkwashing again. They do it with teddybears too)

So, here’s some trivia for you:

What is the #1 killer of women in the United States?

Here’s a hint, it’s not breast cancer.

It’s heart disease. #2 is ALL CANCER COMBINED. #3 is Stroke.

Colon cancer and ovarian cancers are both hugely deadly. In fact, breast cancer, thanks to all of the research and publicity, has one of the best long term prognoses for survivors, especially when caught early. The same isn’t always true of other cancers.

Why aren’t we talking about saving the hearts? Or the ovaries? Or the colons? Maybe because those aren’t as sexy as boobs. Maybe because they can’t be sexualized and objectified in a way that uses pictures of bulging cleavage and status updates about the color of our bras (tee hee, we’re so sneaky!)

And maybe I’m a little bitter, and a little angry.

But I really think this is all ridiculous.

If you want to support breast cancer – POST ABOUT BREAST CANCER. It means a whole lot more to hear “I knew SuchandSuch Person with cancer, and she’s a fighter and a survivor, and lived for X years” and then post a link to the American Cancer Society.

Don’t belittle the infertility struggles of actual breast cancer survivors and many many others with a ridiculous post that makes your friends think you’re pregnant, as if that’s some kind of thing everyone wants.

“Just kidding! I wanted to tell you about breast cancer awareness” is an extra step that nobody needs. Just post about cancer, and leave game playing to game playing.

I don’t care a whit if you want to post about how many tampons you use in a month and the color of your armpit hair. Trying to tie it in a cheeky, useless manner to an actual serious problem is stupid and solves nothing.

And if you want to raise awareness about a serious problem, maybe pick something other than breasts.


5 Responses to “What about the Colons?”

  1. Hillary September 5, 2011 at 8:00 am #

    I’ve just nixed a comment calling Anna jaded. I will do it again should it happen again. Maybe it’s because it’s 8:30 on Labor Day and I’m crabby. Maybe it’s because I enjoy pissing on people’s parades. Whatever the case, I’m going to be a very nasty gate mistress on this particular topic.

    If you want to perpetuate your Facebook games with PINK and GUCCI and pretend you’re some kind of cancer cavalier, go nuts, Ladies. If you think the ten seconds you’re making someone scratch their head like a fucking gorilla wondering what you’re talking about is HELPING A CAUSE, go ahead, but I’m going to roll my eyes and wonder what you need in Farmville, too. And do I say that mockingly? Fuck yes. Cancer shouldn’t be put on the same level as Mafia Wars for Christ’s sake.

    To address the issue of BUT THE BRA THING GOT MEDIA ATTENTION AND THUS SUPPORTED CANCER SURVIVORS AND AWARENESS – Yes, it did (I will begrudgingly admit) but the difference between Gucci bags and pink bras and this latest round of utter time waste is night and day. Pretending you’re pregnant IN THE NAME OF A DISEASE WHOSE TREATMENT LEAVES WOMEN INFERTILE is pretty insensitive. If the best argument you can give me for why it should be okay is “it’s just a game” and “people should lighten up” and “during those ten seconds of confusion about my status message someone thinks about cancer for two of them”, I advise you to insert your head into a toilet and flush. Repeatedly. And – especially on the latter point – I recommend you get a reality check. No one is thinking about cancer for a single second when they believe you’re going to be launching a squirming bundle of shit factory joy from your loins.

    If you’d like to debate the subject more, I’d be happy to point you to two close friends of mine who lost their mothers to breast cancer. I’m sure they’ll tell you that the Divas are all jaded assholes for thinking you’d be far better clicking this or perpetuating this:


    Than doing your PUNKT status update and Tee Hee’ing over how many of your friends you fleeced about your big fake Cancer Baby.

    My last point before I sign off on this comment: last year around this time, there was a campaign called I ❤ Boobies. People bought bracelets and tee shirts with the tagline. This stunt got media attention, too, when some west coast school wouldn't let a girl wear her bracelet to class because it said boobies on it. Said girl's mother had breast cancer. You want to know the difference between that particular media circus and this one? ALL PROCEEDS OF BUYING THE I ❤ BOOBIES MERCHANDISE WENT TO CANCER RESEARCH. If you can't wrap your head around the difference and effectiveness of one attention whoring stunt versus the other, I invite you to see aforementioned toilet.

    Flush. Repeat.

  2. officergleason September 6, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    My mom’s diagnosis of Breast Cancer raised my awareness back in 1991. I recognize that Heart Disease and other Cancers kill more women every, but Breast Cancer will always be my topic of choice.

    And nothing pisses me off more than a bullshit attempt at “raising awareness” than these stupid men-focused stunts. I promise you, that my mother–who totally would have been on Facebook if she lived just two years more–would heap nothing but scorn upon such a contrived and sexist piece of shit contest. Women on Facebook are not the ones who need to be made aware of Breast Cancer. Women of color, an under represented population on Facebook, are the ones who are mostly likely to go undiagnosed and die early from Breast Cancer. You want to raise awareness? Volunteer your time in churches and in community agenices that serve women of color.

    If you want to make a difference in the fight, donate money and time to legitimate organizations who help diagnose, treat, and care for women who suffer from Cancer. Otherwise, don’t waste the time of survivors.

  3. Sara Leigh Merrey September 6, 2011 at 11:44 am #

    I have to admit, I find these latest Facebook status things mystifying. How they make anyone think of breast cancer, when you’re not supposed to tell anyone what it means, I don’t know. Then I think about my friends who’ve had breast cancer and survived, some only to have it rear its ugly little head again later in life, and wonder what they must think of such inanity. Two are Stage IV, meaning even though they may be in remission, they’re never considered out of the woods again. One has had three occurrences, is on maintenance chemo after the last, and is now on to bone cancer as a result of metastasization. When I read such trivial bullshit, it just really gets my blood pressure skyrocketing. Why can’t they just change their status to be a link to their favorite breast cancer research organization? Makes more sense to me.

  4. Michael Cruse September 6, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    Julie and I were sitting in bed the other evening, doing our random whatevers on our laptops when she ran across the “let’s pretend to be pregnant” meme on her FB page. I can’t say I’ve never heard her so offended and outraged, but it’s certainly a rare thing. She whipped out her phone, pulled up her shirt, and took a picture of her scarred, lumpy chest where her breast used to be. Then she posted it to Facebook, with the following comment:
    “Probably too much for some, but here you go. Feel free to repost. HERE is your breast cancer awareness. You don’t need silly games on Facebook to raise awareness. Have a dose of reality to raise awareness. It is not a fad or a fun little game, it affects lives, and heck, I am one of the lucky ones.”


  1. Search Term Bingo. « Seven Deadly Divas - September 6, 2011

    […] this is one of those stupid Facebook games. If you haven’t read Anna’s post about why the newest “breast cancer awareness” game on FB is shit, I recommend you […]

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