F That.

18 Aug

I like to swear. A lot. And, if I’m being perfectly honest, I swear more often than I should (a lot more now that I know Caulle, but I’ll get to that later). There are times nothing is more satisfying than letting loose with a long string of obscenities. I’m not talking a “hell” or a “damn” either. I’m talking swears that would make a respectable person with real, honest-to-God manners flush their head in a toilet to escape the lewdness of my words. I’m talking creative swears, like “twatmuffin”. I let loose with that last week during a glorious, obscenity-laden rant. I wasn’t proud. Only I was a little because really, that’s creative. That’s taking obscenity past offensive and into a fucked-up art form.

It’s also a hell of a visual.

I’ve always thought swears were a fascinating concept. Human beings designed language to express concepts and then promptly banned the very words they’d made. Most of these words correlate to body parts, bodily functions, or body byproducts. Pants bits are especially prone to swears which I find really amusing. Think about it; people spend their lives actively trying to see the naughty bits of other folks, yet when we curse and swear, we call them genitalia. I’m pretty sure without genitalia life would be less interesting (and cease to exist). One that really gets me is straight men who absolutely adore women and women’s bodies (and would do anything to get laid) using vaginal references to demean their male friends. IT’D BE A LOT MORE EFFECTIVE IF I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D PUNCH YOUR GRANDMOTHER JUST TO POKE AROUND IN A HOT CHICK’S WAHOO.

I’ve always been around swears. My grandmother swore, my mother swears. Not like sailors, mind you, but it was/is part of their speech pattern. I was of the same ilk (a swear here and there) and then I started hanging out with gamers. Gamers are foul mouthed little nerds, let me tell you. Getting onto Ventrilo with my World of Warcraft folks and hearing Caulle let loose on someone for the first time . . . I’d never heard so many F-Bombs in my life. Now, I’m fairly sure she doesn’t talk that way to say – her boss – but to other nerdies, why not? Profanity’s fun. There’s always that challenge to create the next great Uber Swear (“COCKGOBBLER”) and as long as you remember your audience it’s fine. Of course, I find bad words oozing into my daily speech pattern now and I have to watch it so it doesn’t overwhelm me. Last thing I need is to be at the office and let a really bad one fly . . .

“YEAH THAT CUSTOMER WAS A TOTAL DOUCHENOZZLE.”

So yes. Swears. I like them. I like them when I’m mad, when I’m trying to make someone laugh. I like them when I’m writing dialogue. I like them because they’re such a twisted, strange little concept. WHY MAKE A WORD TO BAN A WORD? It’s utterly ridiculous. George Carlin thought so, too. Needless to say, the following is NSFW. But it’s worth a laugh and a watch later, I swear. Carlin was the King Of Cussing.

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6 Responses to “F That.”

  1. ratshag August 18, 2011 at 9:37 am #

    /nod

    Me entire blogging career done been based on calling them’s what deserves it “glubbernubbers”

  2. Tami August 18, 2011 at 10:06 am #

    Have you met Chuck Wendig?

    He’s an ARTIST when it comes to swearing (and gives out fantastic writing advice, too)

    http://www.terribleminds.com/ramble

    Also, too right on the foul-mouthed nerds thing. Self included. I think I’ve frightened folks on vent before.

    • Hillary August 18, 2011 at 11:13 am #

      I’ve got a perma-link to him on the blog already, and I’m going to be a guest poster on his blog. You could say I know him of sorts. 😉

      • Tami August 19, 2011 at 8:35 am #

        My friend once got away with calling the owner of the company he worked for, “Fucking clown shoes”.

        They were playing foozball at the time, so all was forgiven.

  3. Caulle August 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm #

    Well, in my defense, they were a bunch of fucking shitties who were never taught as children to not touch the godamn stove when it’s turned on. Idiots.

  4. tart August 18, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    First off: I actually *have* used douchnozzle at work in reference to a customer. Though my boss just kind of blinked at me for it.

    Second: Cussing is an artform. Especially creative cussing. My favorite creative insult lately is cockweasel. Though man, this post is going to give you guys even more interesting search results.

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