Blogger’s Block

5 Jun

I’m not the most boring person in the world, but sometimes when I’m pressed to come up with a blog post I can feel it sneaking up on me like an inevitability of beige and Wonderbread. There are words inside me that want to get out, but they’re backed up and stagnant: Blogger’s Block. It sucks all the more because I know I can do better. On a good day the words pour out onto the page like clear water (or clack like something that clacks, I guess, since I use a keyboard), but on others I strain like an enraged and constipated she-hulk just to produce a handful of sad, hard little excuses for words. It makes me want to smash things.

“I’m going to my room,” I’ll say, when I have a post due and no words will come. “I can’t write in here. It’s too distracting.” So I borrow the wide-rule notebook the kid’s using for his summer homework (yeah, I’m mean like that) and a pen and go flop down in my bedroom for a little peaceful pen-to-paper. It goes smoothly for about three seconds, or about how long it takes for me to realize it isn’t working.

The bed is a really comfortable place to write!

…it also makes you sleepy, and a sleeping blogger is about as useful as a soup fork.

Writing with a pen is fun!

…until your hand cramps up. Your strict keyboard-based regimen has caused your writing muscles to atrophy into gooey pink lumps that bear a disturbing resemblance to wads of bubblegum on a hot sidewalk.

And because it’s in pen, you can’t just delete a block of text when you get off track. Stream-of-consciousness writing might sound good coming from really smart or witty folk. I dunno about you, but coming from me it reads like I spent 48 hours in a room full of pot smoke and gin before somehow getting my hands on a lipstick and a greasy Big Mac box.

I find myself blaming the format. “Blog posts are like essays,” I say. “I could write more easily if I stuck to fiction.” (My interior monologue is kind of a whiner.) “I’d write more if I weren’t distracted by all the other things I have to do.” “It’s okay, I still have two days left before my post is due. I’ll just cram it on Sunday night!” Meanwhile deadlines come and go as I touch up the fluff post I had to take on since the better topics were too involved to write up at the last minute.

So here I am, making silly illustrations for a fluff post. It’s all right, though, because while I’ve been writing this I’ve thought of a few ways I can make it easier next time. When in doubt, draw a picture or take a photo. Tell a funny story about something that happened to you last week. Wear assless chaps to the park and chronicle the ensuing panic, that sort of thing.

What do you do to get past the block? Seriously. If I get any more indecent-exposure citations they’ll put me away.

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2 Responses to “Blogger’s Block”

  1. Mom June 7, 2011 at 12:01 pm #

    People who find this by searching for “assless chaps” are going to be disappointed.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Inevitability of Beige « Bika Central - June 6, 2011

    […] self-promotion, why words no come out??, writer's block It’s that time again–I have a new post up at Seven Deadly Divas. This one has doodles, and I’m sure you missed those, right? Right! […]

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